For the last several days, if you were to spend about an hour with my daughter, you would assume that I'm starving her. Her most frequent comment, repeated almost every half hour, is "I'm hungry". It doesn't matter that she ate a bowl of macaroni and cheese plus two apples only twenty minutes ago. This child is starving...constantly.
I find myself thinking back on the last few times I've dared to cook pork and wondering if I thoroughly cooked it but the fact is, my little girl is growing and growing fast. This growth spurt that she's in now will wane and another will come along. It's amazing to me because for eleven years I was the only girl in an all boy's club. Video games, Pokemon, skateboards and rocks were king. I was the lone warrior in keeping the seat down. I'm now thrust into a world of pink, Hannah Montana, a diva attitude and someone who primps more than I do. At three years old, she can flip her hair better than a pageant princess and she seems to know exactly who she is.
You know what? I'm loving every minute of it.
But I also find myself looking at her confidence, her love of life and strength and hoping she won't lose that. What if something or anything happens and changes who she is and her comfort with the world? She believes in princes and princesses. She believes in happily ever after. She blushes when they kiss and she is truly happy. She is secure in her world. I want to hold that for her, to keep her safe, happy and protected from the harsh realities of the world. I want to protect that spirit that all little girls, including me, must surely have had before the world taints their purity. I know I can't keep the bad away from her forever and bad things will just happen but if it's in my power, I'll find a way to protect her from it. In the meantime, I'll paint her nails. I'll listen to her sing for the thousandth time and I'll cherish every pure second of the little miracle that she is. If and when the nastiness of the world finally touches her, I hope she'll at least know that even then, I'll be her biggest defender.
Now excuse me, but I have to go find a snack for "her majesty". She's "hungry"!
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18 years ago
2 comments:
It's such a precarious position to be in, motherhood. We simultaneously desire to be in the moment, and yet cannot help but see how quickly our children are changing. Enjoying who they are, missing who they were, excited about who they are becoming. . .
All of that and more. I spent this morning with my son at his middle school. He and other students had gotten Citizenship Awards and there was a breakfast.
Once upon a time, he would cling to me. Ask me to cuddle with him at bedtime and today, a cursory hug (actually he leaned into me so I'm not sure it was even really a hug).
I really missed that little boy but I am so proud of my little man.
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